GET YOUR WORD AND GRAMMAR QUESTIONS READY As our man Charles Harrington Elster joins us at 2 today to answer them all. Find out more about Charles or buy his excellent books by clicking here. He's also great at answering direct questions that way as well.
MY DREAM OF A BLUE RIBBON AT THE FAIR WILL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR And I'm going to share my tale of procrastination meeting a lack of detail as the reason behind this epic failure.
BUT I STILL NEED A SLOPPER EATING RINGER FOR THIS SATURDAY I am going to the Colorado State Fair on Saturday because I have committed to being in the Celebrity Slopper Eating Contest. I have decided for the sake of my health and waistline that a better idea is to have someone participate FOR ME in this contest, so if you eat really fast and can be in Pueblo this Saturday, we need to talk.
DR. FAUCI IS FINALLY SHUTTING UP! Just kidding, he's not ever going to shut up but at least he won't be doing it as an arm of the government anymore. Homeboy just resigned effective December of this year and it can't come soon enough.
WAYNE WILLIAMS TALKS ABOUT THE GRISWOLD CAMPAIGN AD That he is accidentally a part of. This column explains why the Republican former competent Secretary of State appeared in a public service announcement that Griswold then spent $1 million of taxpayer dollars during campaign season to air. He had no clue she was going to use tax dollars and run them during the general election. In other words, he thought she'd be a decent, fair person when she clearly is not. The ad needs to be pulled immediately but the damage is done, so I want her to have to pay back the million bucks from her campaign funds. That would make me happy.
THIS DUDE CLIMBED 58 FOURTEENERS IN TWO WEEKS And this story is COOL. The man, born in Colorado but raised in Minnesota, started climbing mountains to combat depression and soon set a goal to beat the world record for climbing all of our fourteeners by himself. Boy did he accomplish that goal, he beat the old record by about two days. So incredible what someone can accomplish if they set their mind to it and do the work.
THE FED WILL CONTINUE TO RAISE RATES, JUST NOT AS FAST They decided to only raise the rate 50 basis points, which is about a half a percent. This after they raised the rate .75% in June and July, so it's not quite as severe as the economy is already showing signs of a recession. Read the rest here.
THE BABYLON BEE HAS A NEW MUSIC VIDEO OUT And I literally can't stop laughing about it.
A DUDE IS STILL MISSING FROM THE RAINBOW GATHERING And he's been gone since he wandered off from his campsite without his phone, wallet or id. This "peace and love" gathering is a nightmare. I hope he's okay but if sure seems like he's not.
IF YOU'RE GETTING YOUR NEWS FROM BITCHUTE OR ODYSEE Be aware that you are in the land of the conspiracy theory and consume content there appropriately, which is with a high level of skepticism. The same high level of skepticism that I give the legacy media companies would be a good start. This is a very long article that uncovers some of the racist and violent content that is being consumed by mostly young men. This is not good or healthy. That being said, if protecting absolute free speech rights is something you are concerned about these platforms may feel like home. I support what they do, but just want you to be aware that there is a whole lot of garbage floating around on these sites. Use your head and do some research.
IT WAS SIX MONTHS AGO THIS WEEK THAT RUSSIA ATTACKED UKRAINE And after a flurry of activity we here in the US have moved on, maybe checking in every once and a while to see what's happening but our lives go on. Many in Ukraine have lost theirs, as have many Russians. This is a good overview of the last six months.
DENVER THINKS THE STATE DOES A BAD JOB WITH MONEY Otherwise they would not be thinking of creating their own family leave program instead of taking part in the state's new plan. From the Denverite.com website:
Starting in 2024, the state’s new “FAMLI” law will require all employers to provide time off for reasons like pregnancy and family emergencies. The FAMLI program will pay a portion of participants’ lost wages while they’re on leave, with the money coming from mandatory fees taken from paychecks. But city staff have recommended that Denver’s leaders opt out of the state program and instead create their own local version. By going it alone, city staff believe they could provide a benefit that is cheaper for Denver’s 11,000-plus employees, and make it available more quickly.
I am going to venture a guess that the ignorant voters of Denver hoisted this dumpster fire on the rest of us, so they should have to live with the results, but I'm more likely to think this is a fantasy by the city of Denver that they can do this cheaper and they will soon fold into the state run program. If it's so easy, why didn't Denver do this before? Real question there.
IF A TREE FALLS IN SPACE, DOES IT MAKE A SOUND? If your reflexive answer is no because there is no sound in space, STOP RIGHT THERE. Now NASA has found a black hole with so much gas the sound can actually travel and they've amplified it into the creepiest sound track ever. You can practically here the aliens screaming if you listen...
BE SURE AND CHECK IN WITH YOUR KIDS AS THEY START SCHOOL AGAIN And I'm specifically talking about their mental health. This is a great article that goes over the issues some kids are having after two and a half years of covid nonsense. Don't wait for your kid to be in crisis before checking in, get that dialogue going with them now.
WHO WILL BE THE NEXT WOLVERINE? I feel like there is a lot of pressure on the next actor to take on the role of Wolverine in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, as Hugh Jackman played the role so perfectly for seventeen years. Now that Jackman has aged out of the role, lots of actors are popping up to put their name in the hat. Could it be Harry Potter? Elton John? Of course I mean the actors who played them. You can see who else is in the mix by clicking here.
I'VE BEEN AND WILL CONTINUE TO DISPOSE OF BATTERIES IMPROPERLY And I had no idea there was an issue with throwing my AA batteries in the trash along with all the other small batteries we burn through frequently. This long article discusses which state qualifies them as toxic waste (no surprise, California) and that in many places you aren't supposed to throw them in the trash because of the heavy metals they contain. Who knew? I didn't and I'm going to pretend I didn't learn this from now on.
OK GUYS, WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH PIGTAILS? The thing is when I saw this article about women who wait tables saying they got WAY more tips when they wore pigtails I didn't doubt it for a second. But I never really thought about WHY? So why though? Guys dig pigtails but why? Is it because they make women look young? I'm genuinely curious although I think we both know the answer.
YOU JUST THOUGHT YOUR DOG PHOTOS WERE COOL Although can't you do this with photoshop? Asking for a certain Saint Bernard.
THIS IS THE HUMAN CLAPPING EQUIVALENT OF BUBBLE WRAP POPPING I have no clue why this is so irritating, yet soothing, yet satisfying right at the end.
APPLE SAYS UPDATE YOUR STUFF PRONTO Because they identified a security issue that has likely already been exploited. Just update your systems as they've put a fix out for the issue. Read which models are affected here.
THIS ARTISTS WORKS IN THE SHADOWS No, I mean he literally makes art with shadows.
IF YOU'RE GONNA BE TOUGH, YOU HAVE TO OWN A TIGER That seems to be the logic of a Dallas rapper who was just picked up on weapons charges. Officers got not only the guns, but a baby tiger cub too. This is nuts.
THE USA MULLET CHAMPIONSHIPS HAVE TAKEN THE INTERNET BY STORM And as someone who grew up in the south during the heyday of the mullet, can we please stop? This kids are being subjected to abuse by being made to wear the ugliest haircut ever. And I used to have one. People are going crazy for the Mullet Championships.
ZUCK'S METAVERSE LAUNCH IS GETTING HIT FOR LOUSY GRAPHICS It could just be his super sad avatar that critics say didn't live up to the graphics standards of the 2008 Wii, but he already put out a new one in response to the criticism. Honestly the fact he let them put out the first one doesn't bode well for how this launch is going.