IT'S FOOD TRUCK FRIDAY AND MIIKE'S CONEYS IS IN THE HOUSE! come down and get a delicious hot dog from Mike's Coneys, he'll be downstairs until 2 and then he's on the show for a bit to talk hot dogs and more!
THIS GUY WHO BROUGHT CORONAVIRUS TO COLORADO IS A REAL JERK And I'm not afraid to say it. He JUST got back from Italy, which has a crap ton of cases, AND the person he travelled with tested positive for Covid-19 AND THEN he got on a plane, came to Colorado and went skiing with his friends. I HATE THIS INCONSIDERATE JERK right now. Read about it here. At least the second case is a woman who got sick and stayed home in quarantine.
PLEASE DON'T DIE IN A CAR ACCIDENT MONDAY MORNING Because SO MANY PEOPLE DO. Here's an article about how many lives are lost each year to the scourge of Spring Forward.
THIS IS WHY CHICK FIL A IS THE BEST FAST FOOD CHAIN EVER And in this case it's a young man named Jeremiah who is an ABSOLUTE DELIGHT while taking orders. One woman named Toya Liles videotaped him and it's gone viral, just check it out for yourself.
Toya says she goes that Chick Fil A just to see Jeremiah because he is ALWAYS like this and it just makes her day. Jeremiah says he wants to have his own franchise someday and he's just grateful for the chance to make people happy by being kind. I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH.
COLORADO IS GOING TO MANDATE SOCIAL ENRICHMENT FOR CHICKENS And I'm not making this up, read about it here.
YOU'D THINK SCREWING AROUND ON YOUR WIFE WOULD CAUSE MORE ANXIETY apparently not for Bill Clinton, who says in a new documentary on Hillary that he had sex with Monica Lewinsky to relieve the anxiety he felt about being President. Uh-huh. Or he is a giant horndog who saw an easy opportunity to manipulate a young woman and took it.
NO, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR OBNOXIOUS MUSIC OR EDGY PODCAST AT WALGREENS Holy cow I could have written this article because this is very close to being my #1 pet peeve in life. It's edging close to littering, but isn't there yet. The column is about those people who walk around in public listening to music or podcasts or phone calls ON THEIR SPEAKERS INSTEAD OF ON HEADPHONES. Good grief people, don't be an a-hole.
I FEEL FOR THE CASTILLO FAMILY SO MUCH ON THIS, BUT THE DEATH PENALTY IS A PIPE DREAM IN COLORADO The DA has decided not to seek the death penalty in the STEM shooting case. One defendant has taken a plea already, but the other will go on trial soon. The family of Kendrick Castillo, the young man who sacrificed himself to save others, wanted the death penalty option on the table. I just don't think Colorado juries have the stomach for the death penalty or the Aurora theater shooter would be on death row instead of in prison for life. Not to mention, the legislature just abolished the death penalty anyway, though it would still apply for crimes committed before July 1st of this year. I do feel a tremendous amount of sympathy for the Castillo family.
AND NOW, WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A TROPHY HUSBAND
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Y'ALL ARE FINALLY HIP TO THE TOILET PAPER THING I feel very vindicated in my toilet paper hoarding now as a bunch of other people are now hoarding the post apocalyptic currency known as Charmin.
TINDER IS WARNING PEOPLE TO KEEP THEIR DISTANCE AS THEY HOOK UP? As I wrote this headline I realized just how stupid it is that Tinder, the app that allows people to find people close to them to hook up for random sex or more, is now telling it's users to "maintain social distance" in public spaces. What the heck does this even mean? And seriously, Tinder?
AN ICE CREAM LICKER IN TEXAS GETS 30 DAYS IN JAIL And I just love when idiots videotape their idiotic stunts so it makes it SO MUCH easier for them to be prosecuted for being disgusting in a time when people are worried about catching Covid-19. Read the story here.
THEY CAN'T BE THIS STUPID. CAN THEY? IT WOULD SEEM THE ANSWER IS YES. This actually happened on MSNBC last night. It really happened. I swear. Watch it.
THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE IS AT A 50 YEAR LOW And the jobs reports SHATTERED expectations with 273,000 new jobs created last month. And guys, these are GOOD jobs. There is a good chuck of Leisure and Hospitality which are many times lower paying jobs, but the REST of the jobs are in good paying categories. Check out the cool graph in this article. This is really good economic news.
OH MY GOSH Y'ALL SHAWN MADE US AN "OF THE DAY" TROPHY! And I love it so very much! Thank you to Shawn and his 12 year old son for making this epic trophy for us.
THIS IS A SUPER FUN FIGHT BETWEEN TWO LIBERALS FIGHTING OVER WHICH ONE GETS TO INVOKE MLK FOR THEIR CANDIDATES And Chris Cuomo actually had to remind them they are in the same party. Skip to the 6:20 mark for when things really head off the rails.